So, I was recently introduced to an eligible bachelor. (Other than eating and football (soccer), setting people up and playing match maker is a favorite pastime in Egypt).
The person, who recommended me to him, doesn’t know me very well. If she had, she would have for seen this as being a disaster right from the get go! She had spoken with one of her friends about me and showed him some of my pictures on facebook. He liked what he saw, so he took the initiative to contact me. (A brave move on his part, I have to say. Think about it. What would you say to someone you have never met and doesn’t even know of your existence?) He sent me a private message on facebook telling me about his company and the trips that they do. He had been told that I enjoy hiking and camping and that’s what his company organizes. I was quite shocked to find that my acquaintance, had told him about me. So, I politely thanked him for getting in touch but told him that I couldn’t join any of his expeditions at the moment due to injuries in both my feet, (Tendonitis of the Achilles tendon….VERY PAINFUL) but I would keep it in mind once I have made a full recovery.
When I saw the person who had told the eligible bachelor about me and asked who the hell is he…her exact words were, ‘Nadia, he’s such a nice guy and he likes the out doors, he’s one of my best friends dooosy, 3ala shan khatri doosy’ (go for it, for my sake go for it). I was stunned!!! My thoughts were (you sneaky cow! you’re trying to set me up! How do you know what kind of guy I like or even want? I know it was done in the best of interest and with good intentions)
Anyhow… the bachelor wrote back. I had left an opening and an unintentional invitation for him to start conversing with me. (WOMEN ARE SUCH SUCKERS AT TIMES).The more we communicated the more I found myself interested and curious by the mystery person who I was chatting with. I didn’t make things easy for him. I didn’t add him to my friends list for 2-3 weeks. I wouldn’t give him my number. The more I got to know him through our chats, the more I thought he was a nice guy and eventually was able to figure out what kind of person he is. He is a pure-blooded Egyptian man, who is more conservative and religious than my father is. It is something that I am desperately trying to steer clear off. So, I took Steve Harvey’s advice and was just up front and honest. I told him that I wear a swim suite on the beach and at the pool, I dance salsa, I go to places where alcohol is served, I’m not religious, I celebrate Christmas and Easter and most of my friends are guys. (Most, if not ALL conservative fellows would not approve of the above one bit). Oh, and most importantly, I am not willing to change or give any of that up. It’s who I am. I was sure that I had cooked his goose and would never hear from him again.
WRONG!!! He knew that I was returning from my Eid holiday in Alexandria and wanted to pick me up from the station. I told him that I didn’t want him to and that it wasn’t the place I would want to meet someone for the first time. He took no heed of my words and was at the station to pick me up. I couldn’t just have him drop me and leave, that would have been VERY rude. My parents didn’t raise me like that. (On reflection maybe that’s what I should have done).
We went for a bite to eat (no where fancy…it was like a take out store, you order your falafel sandwiches and leave) and then we went to Costa Coffee. We talked a little bit and then he dropped me home. When I was getting ready to leave to go upstairs and change to go out to the Canadian Embassy party he wanted me to call my friends and ask them not to pick me up so that he could take me. I said I couldn’t do that because we had arranged that we would all go together. So, he then asked me to go upstairs change and come back down and wait with him until they came to pick me up, (WEIRD!). I said no, I needed to unpack and get ready. An hour later he was still downstairs. I had a feeling he might be too, so I wasn’t conservative in the way I dressed. (Hoping to make him cringe and run in the opposite direction begging ALLAH to save him from a wicked temptress!).
I go to the party and have a great time, on the way back to Heliopolis I get a text message from I’m asking about restaurant to eat at in Alexandria and if he could pick me up from the Embassy party. I told him of one of my favorite restaurants to go to in Alexandria and that group of people he was taking there the following day on a tour would like it and that I was back in Heliopolis with my friends. Only to get another text message later to ask if he could pick me up from where we were hanging out, by then I was home. He then called to ask me to come down and go out with him at midnight! ‘NO, I AND I NEED TO SLEEP’.
Once he returned from his trip on Friday he sent me a message to ask if I was awake. I didn’t respond. He then sent another message a half hour later to ask me if he could take me out for breakfast. I didn’t respond till the following morning where I politely declined in a text message. That didn’t stop him from trying to see me later that day, offering to take me shopping, drive me to the physio therapist and in the end I agreed he could pick me up from my friends surprise birthday party. Not knowing he was going to kidnap me and take me across the city to have his car washed. While we sat at a cafe near where the car was being washed, I was finally able put a finger on who he reminded me of, My X boyfriend! The way he talked, his looks, facial expressions and hand gestures. I flat-out told him that hoping it would be the kiss of death and a major turn off … BUT NO, that didn’t seem to even bother him in the least. It was there I just flat-out asked him, ‘knowing what you know about whom I am and what I’m like, do you see anything happening between us?’
His answer stunned me ‘No, we are very different socially and in many other ways. The moment you were honest on one of our on-line chats, I knew that nothing could become of this.”
So…If he knows th can’at this can’t work out why pursue it, why would he even want to meet me? Am I a challenge to him?
I have to be totally honest with my self I have been enjoying that attention and being desired. It will be three years since my last relationship and 6 months since I last dated someone. I don’t want to lead him on, that is just cruel and I also don’t want my loneliness and need for TLC to get the best of me either.
I saw him a few times after that. During our outings, I found him to be handsome as well as charming, funny, family oriented, caring, and kind and behaved like a true gentleman. On one of our outings he actually asked me if I would consider ‘changing’, (not wearing swimsuits, not wearing revealing clothing (short sleeve t-shirts, strappy dresses, not going where alcohol is served…etc)) and that if I learned more about my religion that I may grow to accept it and like it. (Obviously he doesn’t know me very well. I had been on a journey of self discovery for a few years and I am FINALLY happy and comfortable in my own skin and with the person I have become and the person I am working towards becoming, why would I give up everything I have worked so hard to sort out at a whim for someone who doesn’t understand that?) I simply replied that I wasn’t willing to change who I was, my family, friends or my social life and I could NEVER ask someone to change who they were no matter what. Either I like them for who they are and accept them for what they are or I don’t. I have no right to ask them to change for me to suite who I am.
If he wasn’t too conservative for me as well as my family and social circle of friends, I most probably wouldn’t even think twice, I would take a leap of faith. Maybe I’m CRAZY but I really want a guy who can relate and understand my Middle Eastern and Western Roots and doesn’t mind that I am culturally and ethnically screwed up. I also want someone who will be able to get along with my family and friends without worrying about conflict of ideas.
I am who I am. A person needs to accept me for who I am with the good, the bad and the quirks. Another thing that makes us so different is our desires. I am motivated, driven and inspired to move forward and finish my Masters Degree in Education and continue with my pursuit of becoming a children’s book author, (yes, I want to be rich, but have money earned from my hard work), earning enough money to be able to put my children through an ivy league school and University, take care of my parents if I have to and I would like to own property (both here and abroad), While he isn’t interested in money that way. (call me an elitist or a snob, I don’t care)
One of my friends thinks I should give him a shot, while I don’t. I think I’d be giving too much of myself. The Core of Whom I Am Will Not Change.
After having said ALL that, he still wants to see me! I have to say… he is very persistent.
5 hours after having published this on-line, He had called me 4 times that day, I had been busy so I hadn’t picked up and on the fourth call I answered and decided that the law had to be laid down. We were both very sincere and frank with one another. He said that he wouldn’t want to be the reason for me regretting ‘THE COMPROMISES’, changes I would make for him ( If I was to do so). (commendable and galant in my opinion).
We FINALLY concluded that ‘we’ are not best suited for one another and that it can not work out. He did make me promise that I would not write him off completely and to keep in touch from time to time and if I should ever decide to change my ways to give him a call.
I’m very grateful that it ended amicably and not in a mud slinging match.
A song that I find very fitting to this situation is the song ‘I think I Better Leave Right Now’. If You don’t know it, click on the link and watch it on youtube.
Stay Strong and NEVER GIVE UP WHO YOU ARE FOR SOMEONE….UNLESS YOU WANT TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE, FOR YOU.