I was in Alexandria visiting my family for the Eid Al Adha and we had guest visit us and during one of the many visits a topic was brought up and a huge discussion ensued along with many other mini ones with other people, to hear their opinions and to see if they had ever been put in to this particular situation or have heard of another one like it. It is now apparently the custom to tip the hired help (servers, chefs, and chauffeurs) of your host’s house if you have been invited to their house for a luncheon or dinner party. They were actually told by the hosts that tipping the help was ‘expected’. (This has become a thorn in my side!) Upon hearing that, I went buzzerco! What is the world coming to?
After doing quite a bit of research I was able to find the social rules of etiquette according to England. I know that Egypt isn’t England by any standard, but let’s be honest the British are the leaders in etiquette always have been and probably always will be. So, let’s use their rules as a guide line shall we.
Let’s say the host sends you their chauffer to pick you up from where you are staying and takes you to and from the host’s house. To tip the chauffeur is acceptable in that situation, but if the chauffeur didn’t then, tipping him for standing by the hosts car and polishing it, is no concern of yours.
If you have been invited for a luncheon or a dinner at someone’s house then you should not tip the help. You were invited, (presumably) to enjoy the ambiance and company of the host along with other guests. Why should you have to tip their help for that? If you were told to, then that is bad form as well as very nouveaux riche. If tipping was expected then could someone please tell me, what’s the difference between going to a restaurant or the friend’s house for a meal? I personally see none!
If a host has the audacity to encourage their guests to tip their employees then that puts them in a very bad light. It indicates that they are not paying their staff enough, if they are to rely on guest’s tips! In European countries the staff would be very embarrassed to be put in that situation, while here the hired help would lap it up and would come to expect it.
Now here is when tipping the house hold staff ‘might’ be condoned acceptable. If you are asked to stay at someone’s house for a long period of time and you are assigned a member of the staff to look after you, then a tip would be acceptable. Tipping the person who cleans your room and prepares your meals after a weekend stay or a longer one is also acceptable. However, you have to check with your hosts that tipping their staff is alright, some house-holds don’t prohibit it. Some house holds give a bonus to those who have to put in extra hours to look after their guests. Hosts don’t condone tipping because it embarrasses them and their staff. So, before you reach deep in to your pockets to slip the help a few notes, you need to check with the host first.
If you are very well acquainted with the family you are visiting and know the staff well then giving a discrete tip is acceptable behavior especially if it’s a holiday season. Just make sure you give the same amount to everyone.
For the past few days I have been asking people who live abroad and here in Egypt if they have ever been put in a situation like that or have heard of others been put in such an awkward and embarrassing predicament and everyone said ‘No’. They were quite shocked and appalled by the situation our friend’s had been put in. One of the people I asked said ‘I don’t know how I would be able to take them seriously or even look at them again. That is just wrong’
I couldn’t agree more!
Now that brings me to my next question, what do you do in a situation like that? I would love to hear you opinions.
Below are some links that tell you in what situations and placed it’s considered alright to tip.
http://www.howtodothings.com/food-and-drink/a3339-how-to-use-tipping-etiquette.html
http://www.askabeauty.com/manners-tipping.htm
2 comments
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November 26, 2010 at 22:35
Don Liston
Nadia,
I’m not sure that the British are the authorities on this. For many years, American Emily Post wrote a column posted in over 200 newspapers and magazines that described and explained etiquette for everyone. It was entitled, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home. It was a best seller and still ranks very high in this type of publication. She also founded the Emily Post Institute that works on proper manners, issues of what is “in good taste,” etc. That institute is now managed by Emily Post’s great- great granddaughter, Peggy Post.
On the matter of tipping, I am always told that we Americans are notorious or at least very popular because of our reputation as “big tippers.” When I was in Switzerland in the 1980′s, the waiters at my hotel would flock around even though I was a single man traveling alone. They would bring me steak which was still very scarce on European restaurant menus. I finally asked someone and they said, “. . . Americans are the only people that come here who tip the wait staff.”
The fact is that many places in Europe these days include the tip or gratuity in price of the meal. Here in the U.S. we still have to add it on to bill you are given when you finish the meal.
Originally the word “tip” was alleged to stand for “to insure promptness” but that is doubtful. Most likely it is the result of very low pay for people who bring food from a restaurant kitchen to the client’s table.
A number of American fast food restaurants do NOT allow tipping of the staff. Pizza restaurants over here add the tip directly to the tab, as they do in Europe. MacDonald’s in Ma’adi I saw that they had delivery help that must take food to homes in the area. I cannot imagine that they work for nothing but maybe working for tips is not acceptable in the Cairo area.
If you stop and think about it, we need to consider those young people who must work at entry level jobs to get started in the business world. . . . and we might want to think about the question of how much should we love money and hate giving even a pittance away.
November 27, 2010 at 11:47
irishalexandrian3109
Hi Don,
How have you been? How are things at your end of the world?
I am not familiar with Emily Post, but I will definitely look in to that.
In response to tipping waiters in reastuarants and in hotels, I am all for that. I am also aware that American’s are the most generous when it comes to tipping too. What I was refering to was being asked to tip your hosts house hold staff when you have been invited over for lunch or for dinner. That I consider to be very poor social etiquette.
Egypt seem to be running on tips! You tip a guy in the street for guarding your car while you are running errands, you tip the gas staion attendant for pumping your gas, cleaning your windows, tip for deliveries being brought to the house … the list is endles.