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If I had a Pound, (Euro or Dollar) for every time someone asked me ‘Why Aren’t You Married’, I would have a hefty retirement fund!
It has reached a point where, I wonder if this is all people have to worry about?! I meet people for the first time and naturally they’ll ask if you have a significant other, but they shouldn’t feel the need to lecture me on ‘Why I Should, Have One’. Even some of the doctors I’ve had consultations with seem to be more concerned about my marital status than my ailments. I appreciate the fact that close friends and some family members want to see me settled down and happy. What I don’t like is those whom I hardly know appoint themselves to play match maker with determination. (What do they get out of it? Is there some jackpot or prize you get if your match is a good one?)
Let me clarify, once and for all to those who are adamant to find me a significant other (based on THEIR wrong criteria to find me a ‘PERFECT’ match) and to those who can not get their head around the idea of me flying solo. I have great respect for marriage and all that is stands for. I do think it is a beautiful thing to be able to live ones life with another and share the burdens and happiness that come their way together as a team and to justify their union and love by having children, so their family tree can continue to blossom and grow. HOWEVER, I DO NOT believe that I should marry for the sake of being married. Just so that I can have a wedding band placed upon my ring finger along with a nice big sparkly one, have a big party and not be alone! If I want to wear a ring, I’ll go buy one. If I want a party, by GEORGE I shall throw one! If I’m lonely, I can go out to social events mingle with people, invite people over or go visit family or friends.
Marriage is a commitment that I would take seriously and I would want it to be forever, (not to use as an escape to move out of my parent’s home. Which doesn’t apply to me because I don’t live with them anyway). I do not want to marry the first person that comes knocking at my parent’s door asking for my hand, especially if he knows nothing about me, my family or upbringing.
In the past I have had mothers of sons and men see me walk into a store or driving my car and find out who I am through 6 degrees of separation, get my parent’s home number and call my father up and ask for my hand in marriage without ever having spoken a word to me! The last time someone did that my father took great pleasure in telling the caller that I had recently just been released from a mental institution, (NOT TRUE OF COURSE) and that he was a garbage collector. I found it extremely funny, while the person on the other end of the line was not as amused!
I want to marry someone who understands how my mind works (well, to some degree), who appreciates and understand my mixed ethnicity/cultural heritage (and doesn’t want me to change who I am or make me choose one culture over another), has similar characteristic traits, shares some of my dreams/interests, is a bit adventurous, likes to play sports and can deal with my loony family and relatives! He must speak ENGLISH quite well, (if he can speak more languages, excellent! but he has to be able to communicate with the Irish Clan), likes to hold intellectual conversations, reads, well-traveled, has a playful side, very good sense of humor and doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty, because I won’t be the only one doing all the hard labor around the house and changing dirty diapers. Oh an most importantly is financially independent from his family.
Marriage to me is a partnership, where two people promise to look after one another and share everything. I am not the type to marry and be told to stay home, not work, cook/clean all day long, have children and raise them alone. While hubbiness goes to work, comes home, eats, naps, showers, changes and goes out and socialize with his friends. (If that’s what I wanted, I would go for Don Draker, from MAD MEN). That is a recipe for my misery and driving me to the brink of insanity ! So, those kind of guys need to be taken off your must introduce her to him lists! That is if you really do have my happiness and best interest at heart.
If you’re miserable in your life and want company… then please don’t set me up with anyone.
If a guy comes from a well-known, respectable, rich family it DOES NOT automatically make him a nice guy and my dream man! Money is great to have, but it isn’t a recipe for a successful marriage. The person’s personality, ethics, morals, values, mentality are things that I find more important than the wrist watch he wears, car he drives, his home address and the size of his PARENT’S bank account.
‘Friends’ of mine, (who have now been demoted to mere acquaintances) wanted to introduce me to a guy who was VERY wealthy and was quite liberal. Now, I am not one to judge a book by its cover, but why would anyone want to introduce a 20 something year old girl (my age at the time), to a guy in his mid 40s who is extremely over weight, has lost half of his teeth, from lack of dental hygiene (due to excessive smoking and drinking) and has little social etiquette? Clearly these people didn’t take the time to know me or to choose wisely either.
I have met, socialized and been out with several guys who fall into this category. I have to say a small minority of them have been raised to be gentlemen of great integrity and are very decent men. While others have been toads dressed like princes.
Players and Cheaters… What can I say? I have been played and burned by both. Not the most pleasant of experiences and I have learned from my mistakes and have grown wiser and stronger because of it. These two are like trying to domesticate a tiger!! Woman can not ‘change’ or ‘reform’ them. They have to sincerely want to and they have to be the ones to take the steps. If/when they are ready, I’ll gladly give them consideration, until then, I’ll Pass, Thanks.
Just because a guy lives abroad and holds a foreign passport like I do, doesn’t mean it’s a match made in heaven! The same goes if he’s of mixed ethnicity too.
So, to sum it all up. I would much rather be single and continue to work on improving upon myself and experience what life has to offer than jump into a marriage with someone who is not compatible with me (and vice versa). I don’t want to be put in a situation where I marry someone and find out 2 kids later, that I can’t stand being around him and be forced to make a decision to either stay in the marriage to keep the family together while I am secretly miserable and hide my pain behind my smiles as a sacrifice for their happiness or break up a family and watch the children go through pain I could have had a hand in preventing.
So, That is WHY, I am not rushing to the altar to get married. Let me live and let live!
If you find someone who meets MOST of the criteria I am looking for then we can talk. If not, DON’T even think about it!
The day I decide to tie the knot and take the plunge and say; I DO. I’ll let you know. Until then, no one should lose any sleep over me being happily single!
When I was little, I used to come to Egypt in the summers to visit my grandmother in Alexandria. This would have been in the 1980s and I can remember the electricity constantly going on and off, especially at night and we would have candles lit in the room we were all sitting in and down the hallway and outside in the stairwell in case someone in the building got caught in the dark. As a young nipper I thought it was fun, but with the global warming and hot temperatures that we have now, I fail to make light of the situation.
The power cuts started to make a come back this past May and I know many people are blaming the newly elected President for this, (which personally just baffles me, because last I checked he wasn’t an electrician and he doesn’t spend his time at the power plants, but HEY! what do ‘I’ know?).
The person I think people’s anger should be directed at, is the Minister of Energy. If he had been doing his job to the best of his ability by calculating the population growth, with the number of air conditioners that have been purchased in recent years, as well as the number of illuminating billboards we see in the streets …etc I think he could have gotten a ball park figure of how much energy would be needed and how the number of watts being used has increased dramatically over the past decade.
Secondly, I recently read in an Al Ahram article that they are only now just cutting off electricity for people who are way behind in paying their bills. By people I don’t only mean private citizens but factories, business and shop keepers? When the man who goes round reading the electricity meters and takes down the number carrying a hand-held briefcase or pouch with bills, why doesn’t he ask them to pay and if after two to three months of not paying why hasn’t he informed the power station so that they can turn off his electricity so that they do pay up? (Is this another side of corruption that we are unaware of?)
I am dreading moving back to Cairo in two weeks time if this is what I am going to have to put up with. The heat is unbearable as it is and I don’t want to have to constantly climb up and down 6 flights of stairs or teach students under extreme weather conditions can you imagine how hot and bothered a room full of 24 eight year olds will be? (It would be on a par with a waiting room of expecting mothers!)
Secondly, the street lamps should not be among the lights that should be sacrificed to keep energy flowing. Streets should be well-lit, for the safety of those on the road and pedestrians.
If over consumption of electricity is occurring then wouldn’t it be logical to communicate with the public, make them understand and possibly even campaign about it to educate the public and students of the problem at hand and how they might be able to help?
The power shortages are not just happening in one area, they are happening across the country and for the residence. I bet it’s really frustrating, especially during the month of Ramadan, when they are fasting from sunrise to sunset and they can’t drink any fluids to help cool their body temperatures, let alone using a fan!
I really hope that the situation doesn’t escalate and that things are more under control by the time I am back, otherwise I will be joining the hot tempered masses.
What I don’t understand is why the water keeps being cut off too?
Al Ahram Article; http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2012/1108/eg5.htm
As a woman living in Egypt for the past 20+ years I have seen the deterioration of men’s respect for women first hand. I remember when I first moved to Egypt at the age of 12 and going for walks in Alexandria with my mother. You would get the occasional cat calls and you would get one guy who would try an invade your space and try to touch you. For everyone guy who did try to sexually harass a woman you would have 10 others who would come to your defence demonstrating chivalry. Now, it’s the complete opposite!
The greater percent of the men of this nation would stand by and watch a woman being harassed rather than come to her aid. I recently came across a post on facebook about a foreign journalist who has had one of the most harrowing and traumatic experiences that I have ever read or come across here in Egypt. It saddens me that some of the men and women who saw what was happening didn’t try to come to her aid.
This has got to stop before it gets out of control, because if it doesn’t any woman who looks remotely foreign, has her hair showing or isn’t covered from head to toe!
PLEASE READ and Pass it on !
Anywhere in the world, you’ll find that every place has its good and bad points. For the upper crust of society and expatriates who are working over here on contracts they’ll find that there are many perks to living in Egypt.
Egypt is like a treasure trove when it comes to historical landmarks, artifacts and sights. It’s rich in history and culture too. Living in Egypt can be quite comfortable if you are from the upper tier of the social ladder and if you hold a fairly good job that earns you around 7,000LE a month (~ $1166). Grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shoe shopping, eating out at restaurants and going to the movies is affordable (when you buy mostly Egyptian made products.) If you compare the prices to Europe and North America, you’ll find that you can spend and save here.
Another upside to living here is hiring cleaning help is affordable, which is great because homes get very dusty here, quite quickly, due to sandstorms and the pollution. It saves a lot of your time and energy having someone to help in the dust busting battle. Like everything in life it can have its bad points too.
Cleaners here can be very heavy handed, so if you don’t have a house laden with antiques, glass, and family mementos or other objects that can break you have little to worry about. If you do, then put your most prized things in a display cabinet away from their clumsy hands. My parents on several occasions when they have come to move the place of one of their statuettes or vases have found them to mysteriously collapse in their hands. One of our former help had taken the broken pieces and skillfully put them back together to make it look as though it was still in one piece and intact. She wasn’t made to pay for the broken item because 1-We don’t have proof that she actually did it. 2- She wouldn’t have been able to pay us back.
When you hire a cleaner you need to make sure that for the first few times that they come, you are guiding them through the motions of how you want things cleaned and done. You also need to show them what cleaning products you want used on what. You need to mold or train them to your preferred way of cleaning, otherwise you will find that many surfaces don’t get dusted and lots of corners get cut. After 7 years of living in Cairo and cleaning my 2 bedroomed apartment on my own, I have finally given in and decided to hire someone to help me once a week around the house. I have to admit that it takes a lot of chores off of my to-do list because by the time I come home I’m too exhausted to do it myself and on the weekends that last thing I want to do is clean! I only hired my cleaner recently and I have to follow her around making sure she cleans and dusts everything properly. The first time she came she used Pledge (wood polish) on glass and would ‘forget’ to clean the mirror in the bathroom.
Cleaners here are quite thorough, so if you find them rolling up carpets and lifting and moving furniture in the different room, and throwing soapy water all over your tiled floors you can be sure that your floor will be shining by the time they’re done! Be sure to help direct them to where things go once they have dried the floor and are putting things back, or better yet help them return things to their rightful place, (I do, it helps speed up the process).
Before or half way through their cleaning they might ask if they can have a cup of tea. They like to have it in a glass and some will ask if they can have something to eat. Usually they prefer to have bread and cheese or bread and egg. My cleaner likes her tea sweet and to have cigarette breaks on the balcony. When she comes to me its late afternoon and her last meal was probably at breakfast time, so I usually offer her something to eat. If I have food made I’ll heat it up and give it to her or make her a sandwich of some kind.
I think the normal routine with most people is to pay their cleaner after every time they come. Give them the exact amount; it will save you a lot of hassle. Don’t be surprised if they ask for advances, and don’t be surprised if they keep asking for more. The best thing is not to get yourself in that situation because you might end up giving more than you had agreed on.
Every cleaner has a sob story and they always have drama going on! Hollywood should come and listen to them for script ideas! Most of the help my parents have tell tales that pull at your heart strings and my parents, like myself are quite generous and helpful to a point. When we start to feel that we are being taken advantage of we slam on the breaks and start dishing out a little tough love. How do you know when they are REALLY in need of help, you don’t. Sometimes you can hear contradictions in their stories or their actions don’t reflect their words.
For examples if someone claims poverty and can’t feed their children, they are going to make sure that they will come to work on the days that they are meant to be there to earn the money they need to feed and look after the family and not call up and say ‘I can’t make it I have a visitor’. One of the help our parents had would say there had been a death in the family; I sincerely hope that that person she claims to have died 5 times is well and truly dead because if she isn’t, I’d be worried about her health. If you say you can’t afford to buy a water heater for your house, you will scrimp and save to gather the money together and not go to a dietician to lose weight. (I swear I’m not making this up)
It goes without saying; don’t leave money, jewelry or anything of value lying around to tempt them. It is always better having those things out of sight and locked away in a safe place. Most cleaners are honest; others will jump at the opportunity to take what they can find to sell for more cash. A friend of mine had live in help, but the young woman someone how found the keys to all the cupboards, had them copied and when the family was out took thousands of pounds and thousands of euros along with mobile phones, IPods and other expensive items and gave them to her ‘boyfriend’. You need to be careful. You have to understand that the house and life you live in is probably what they dream about having.
Some of the cleaners will iron your clothes and prepare food too. As much as I hate ironing, I still prefer to do it myself. If an item of clothing gets ruined then the only person I have to blame is myself and I can replace it. When I also prepare and cook my own food because I find that most Egyptians use a lot of salt and oil in their food and I don’t like either.
If you do have clothes, shoes or other items that you have out grown or are no longer in need of, before throwing it in the trash, ask them if they would like it. Chances are they will take it for themselves or give it to someone they know who needs it.
As the famous saying goes; everything comes at a price. The question is how badly do you want it?